Many things have happened in my life, I can’t write everything here.
But let me try to sum my fucked up life right now:

  1. I’m a dog lover, finally got myself a cute male Beagle and female Chowchow dog.
  2. Got myself a fuckbuddy, let’s call him FB1, who also happened to be a dog lover.
  3. Caught feeling with FB1, but I know all he wanted was sex, he still played around every dating apps I know every after office, maybe tried to find another fuckbuddy. How would I know that? I’m a good stalker I tell you.
  4. Decided to remove this FB1 entirely from my life eventhough we’ve been buddies for almost a year. Plus I have feelings for him, so essentially, this was like a breakup for me. Cried my eyes out for almost 6 months, blocked his contact and any social media and finally sobered up.
  5. Found another fuckbuddy, let’s call him FB2, physically FB2 was my type, tried so hard not to caught any feelings, mainly because he already has BF/husband in Germany. I didn’t know any detail of his personal life, because you know, I’m smart, I don’t want to catch any feelings with fuckbuddy.
  6. FB2 decided to move to Germany with his BF/husband, he deleted my contact entirely, so I lost another fuckbuddy. But since I had no feelings for him, this separation was easier. The only thing that makes it harder for me to let go is simply because his body is totally my type hahahaha.
    Sorry, sometimes physical appearance is important and play a great factor in fucking hahahaha.
  7. Decided I need a break from any kind of relationship, but then realised how lonely I was, so found myself yet another fuckbuddy. Let’s call him FB3. He was wild in bed, kinda crazy (we sent nudes on broad daylight), kind, but mentally not my type. He’s not a very mature guy, the sex was great tho’. We’re still in contact, but I distance myself from him little by little.
  8. Decided to distract myself to gaming world by buying Nintendo Switch and played several mobile games (Arena of Valor, Mobile Legends, Harry Potter Hogwart’s Secret, Digimon Links, etc).
  9. Out of nowhere, on Saturday night, my IG account was followed by FB1. After 1 year of not talking or seeing each other, he found my IG and followed me. Decided to send him a message, thought maybe he has changed, maybe now he wants something special with me, met him up, fucked twice, then realised he hasn’t changed at all.
  10. Also realised that FB1 is not a dog lover. I think he said that the first time to get into my pants.

And that brought us to now.

Maybe what people say about ex is right: “don’t ever get back with your ex, you broke up for reasons”. Well, technically FB1 is not my boyfriend, but he has taken my feeling on a roller coaster ride, brought me to several adventures, filled my lonely day. So, almost sound like a boyfriend to me.
Yeah, I know I’m stupid. Especially when he said that he will get married someday, and I always have no-bisexual-guy policy, but for him, I decided to lower my bar and let him in to my life.

So yes, I brought myself a calamity, a disaster.
It’s like keep wanting to eat chocolate even when the doctor says you’re allergic to chocolate.

And yes, ghost from the past usually comes back to your life to teach you a thing or two. Maybe this time I really have to let him go.

 

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