Ghost From the Past

Many things have happened in my life, I can’t write everything here.
But let me try to sum my fucked up life right now:

  1. I’m a dog lover, finally got myself a cute male Beagle and female Chowchow dog.
  2. Got myself a fuckbuddy, let’s call him FB1, who also happened to be a dog lover.
  3. Caught feeling with FB1, but I know all he wanted was sex, he still played around every dating apps I know every after office, maybe tried to find another fuckbuddy. How would I know that? I’m a good stalker I tell you.
  4. Decided to remove this FB1 entirely from my life eventhough we’ve been buddies for almost a year. Plus I have feelings for him, so essentially, this was like a breakup for me. Cried my eyes out for almost 6 months, blocked his contact and any social media and finally sobered up.
  5. Found another fuckbuddy, let’s call him FB2, physically FB2 was my type, tried so hard not to caught any feelings, mainly because he already has BF/husband in Germany. I didn’t know any detail of his personal life, because you know, I’m smart, I don’t want to catch any feelings with fuckbuddy.
  6. FB2 decided to move to Germany with his BF/husband, he deleted my contact entirely, so I lost another fuckbuddy. But since I had no feelings for him, this separation was easier. The only thing that makes it harder for me to let go is simply because his body is totally my type hahahaha.
    Sorry, sometimes physical appearance is important and play a great factor in fucking hahahaha.
  7. Decided I need a break from any kind of relationship, but then realised how lonely I was, so found myself yet another fuckbuddy. Let’s call him FB3. He was wild in bed, kinda crazy (we sent nudes on broad daylight), kind, but mentally not my type. He’s not a very mature guy, the sex was great tho’. We’re still in contact, but I distance myself from him little by little.
  8. Decided to distract myself to gaming world by buying Nintendo Switch and played several mobile games (Arena of Valor, Mobile Legends, Harry Potter Hogwart’s Secret, Digimon Links, etc).
  9. Out of nowhere, on Saturday night, my IG account was followed by FB1. After 1 year of not talking or seeing each other, he found my IG and followed me. Decided to send him a message, thought maybe he has changed, maybe now he wants something special with me, met him up, fucked twice, then realised he hasn’t changed at all.
  10. Also realised that FB1 is not a dog lover. I think he said that the first time to get into my pants.

And that brought us to now.

Maybe what people say about ex is right: “don’t ever get back with your ex, you broke up for reasons”. Well, technically FB1 is not my boyfriend, but he has taken my feeling on a roller coaster ride, brought me to several adventures, filled my lonely day. So, almost sound like a boyfriend to me.
Yeah, I know I’m stupid. Especially when he said that he will get married someday, and I always have no-bisexual-guy policy, but for him, I decided to lower my bar and let him in to my life.

So yes, I brought myself a calamity, a disaster.
It’s like keep wanting to eat chocolate even when the doctor says you’re allergic to chocolate.

And yes, ghost from the past usually comes back to your life to teach you a thing or two. Maybe this time I really have to let him go.



2015 in Summary

Whoa, it’s already new year. That means almost one full year without any post at all. Haha. I’m so busy with my new job. Well, it’s not new actually, cos I’ve already joined this company for almost a year.

What can I say? Life’s good. God is good. Everything is good. Thank God. Thank Jesus. In this post, I will summarize my 2015 life in 4 big events.

In March 2015, my company sent me to Singapore. This was my second time went to another country. Singapore is a great country to live in, but the living cost is very high. The cheapest meal I could find is SGD6.00, a philippine foodstall, small portion, exclude drink. WTF. I can eat in 4 stars restaurant in Indonesia using that money. And the taxi fare is killing me. The closing-door fare was SGD6.50. Seriously? 

I went to Marina Bay Sands to take a picture in front of the iconic Merlion statue. Had dinner at Clarke Quay. Went to Mustafa in Little India. I didn’t go to Universal Studio though. It was raining hard when I arrived at Sentosa Island.

I used MRT to travel around in Singapore. No delay. No pushing at each other, unlike Indonesia’s Commuter Line. And the best of all, it was very safe to walk alone at night, around 2am. It is definitely a great country to live in. I LOVE SINGAPORE.

Second big event was my sister’s wedding in October 2015 and now she’s 2 months pregnant. I’m going to be an uncle soon. Damn. I’m not ready for this shit. To be honest, I’m not really good with kids. I mean, I can play with them, but I have a very limited patience. Especially with naughty kids… Well for now, I’m hoping the best for my sister. Hope everything going well, big sis!

Third big event: I spent my Christmas holiday in Madiun. I flew with Lion Air to Solo, got delayed twice before I decided to ban Lion Air forever in my life. Not to mention another scary story of a Lion Air’s passenger riding a broken Lion Air aircraft. A suggestion: don’t fly with Lion Air. If you don’t have money, better stay at home. It’s not worth wasting your time, or even your life. Trust me.

Last big event, on 27 Dec 2015 I finally bought an iPhone 6s 64GB Space Gray. Yay! Bought it with my own saving I’ve been saving for the last 6 months. Is it worth it? Totally. Longer battery life, better signal searching, better camera, 3D touch-which I’m not really used to and other great features.

Well that sums up my life in 2015. I’m expecting great things and great experiences in 2016.

Also it’s better late than never: Merry Christmas 2015 and Happy New Year 2016!


This is the most random post I’ve ever made so far. I’m starting to hate people around me. This hatred are getting bigger and bigger. I’m afraid I can no longer contain this myself.

I’ve reached a point where patience bores me and fake smile annoys me. I’m tired of trying: trying to smile, trying to act tough, trying to keep my feelings to myself, tired of hypocrisy. But then, if I become the real me, I believe I will be the most hated person on earth. No one will like me, yet I love to be loved. I don’t mind saying harsh words to those ungrateful people. But then society will judge me as uneducated person.

I hate how people judge, yet how stupid they can be. They believe what other people said, but not what they see with their own eyes. I hate how stupid people trying so hard to defend religions, like defending religions will grant them a free ticket to heaven.

I’m 23 and at this point I’m tired of everything. Everything is fake. I need something real. Something genuine.

Why should I say “you’re not good at this” while I can say “you’re the shittiest person I’ve ever met”? Why should I not hurt other people feeling while they are keep hurting mine? Why Jesus teaches us to love our enemies? They are not worth it. What’s the point of becoming a good person? Heaven? Heart content? Because of this trying-to-be-nice attitude, we become a fake person: talking behind someone else’s back.

I don’t know, maybe I’m very tired with my new routines, maybe I need a break.

Lunar New Year 2566

Happy Lunar New Year 2566!
Somehow, I really enjoy this holiday because I usually get many angpao. But you know, as you grow old, you get less and less angpao hahaha. But that’s life!

In this new year, I hope my relationship with H is getting stronger, my new career getting better and I hope I can maintain a good health to keep working and reach my dream.

Happy holiday, and have a great new year of the wooden goat, my chinese readers!


Fly High, Air Asia QZ8510

I remember when I got the news on social media, Path, about the missing airplane: Air Asia QZ8510, I was at the waiting room, 28th Dec 2014 11.45 am. I checked in on Path at Juanda International Airport, Surabaya, then one of my friend commented: Hey, I’m so sorry to hear about Air Asia (Hei, itu yang pesawat Air Asia kasian banget).

Then I asked her: what happen with Air Asia? And some friends commented my moment in Path. Pieces by pieces mystery revealed through Path comments: Air Asia lose contact with the communication tower. The flight route? Surabaya to Singapore. Yes, Surabaya. The same departure airport as I had.

That time, I did believe, and hope, that Air Asia only had a communication trouble and nothing bad will happen. And so I flew to Jakarta using Lion Air.

It was terrifying to fly in a bad weather.

That’s the first time I surrender myself to God, “Whatever happen, I do believe in your plans, God.”

We were surrounded by gray-ish cloud, the oh-it’s-going-to-rain cloud. I couldn’t see anything beneath us, neither land nor sea. The fasten-your-seatbelt sign turned on and off several times. The airplane was shaking. The wind blew airplane’s right-wing hard.

That was the moment when I almost lose hope. I did believe that flight will be my last flight. A pessimist person? No, I was not. You should get on that flight, you will understand what I felt.

As when I surrounded with negativity, the flight attendants started to walk around, offering the Lion Air’s product….with smile on their faces. That was the time when I got my courage back. Even at the worst flight condition, they smile.

And thank God, I arrived safely at Soekarno-Hatta International Airport.

I might not understand how Air Asia’s passengers felt the moment Air Asia was going to crash. It might and might not be the same as what I felt. I don’t know how they reacted. I don’t know what exactly happened up there. I know nothing.
But I do know it was scary up there, flying in the middle of bad weather.
And they had done their best, both the passengers and the crews. They had tried their best to fight bad weather and fight the most terrifying moment up there.

And the worst had passed, God has decided for all of them to fly higher.

My deepest condolences for the victim’s families. I’m really sorry for your lost. I do believe they live in a better place now.

Fly high, Air Asia QZ8510.